"Mental Illness Problems"

I found this really interesting tumblr site, called Mental Illness Problems and in a weird way, I found it comforting that other people shared the same kind of little problems that relate to their illness. I decided I'll post a couple that I personally can really relate too, but please comment any ones you have also. I love reading things like this because it takes the loneliness away.

I miss missing you, sometimes.

I can't even begin to explain my emotions over the past couple of days. I have this way of, when in public, I act like I don't care about anything, and that I'm measurably happy. But when I get home and I'm finally alone with my thoughts, I feel so low and angry. I'm angry at myself for not fighting for you and I'm angry at myself for not fighting with this illness. I miss everything about you but I couldn't imagine being with you now after all of this. At the moment, all I want to do is cry and starve and just torment myself, but I know that I need to act like I'm okay and reassure people I am. I need time just for me, myself and I. 

In another life, I would make you stay.

Today, I've been recovering from a hangover so I've been sat in bed, crying and feeling sorry for myself and googling quotes on how I feel at the moment. I know most people usually vomit and eat when hungover, but I normally get into contact with my poetic side... (And by that I mean, copying and pasting other peoples quotations)


The heart was made to be broken - Oscar Wilde


The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal - Astrid Alauda


However long the night, the dawn will break - African proverb (one can hope this is true.)


Anger is just a cowardly extension of sadness. It’s a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you’re hurt - Tom Gates


I'm going to be honest here. I miss you and I'm so angry at you for just walking out when you promised me you wouldn't. I've waited for something to happen with you for years, and you told me you felt similar. If that's so, how comes you could just walk away so easily, and I'm left here breaking my own heart over this? You seem to be having the time of your life considering how "upset" you were, I don't even know how I'm supposed to act. I'm so used to just hiding behind a smile and facing my problems at the end of the day when I'm alone. It feels like the bottle I use to hole up these feelings is slowly breaking and falling apart, and any time soon there's just going to be this massive rush, and I won't be able to control it. I wish you'd leave my mind and heart, and just be as mentally absent as you are emotionally and physically.

Sometimes it feels like I'm never going to beat this disease. By this disease, I'm not solely concentrating upon my eating disorder. I'm classing it all together; my depression, my anxiety issues, my trust issues and my eating issues. All of this is one colossal disease, set out to destroy my life, yet implicated by no other but me. I see others surrounding me on the verge of the destructive path that is, an eating disorder, and all I want to do is yell out and scream, to be "The Catcher in the Rye" that Holden Caulfield wants to be for the children in J D Salingers novel. Except, I'm not longing to protect them from growing up - as that's inevitable, I want to protect them from the self-hatred and self-torture this illness brings upon us.