Can anybody hear me?

I really hate living at home at the moment. I'm really tempted to go stay at my Nan's for a few days, just to get away.


Yesterday, I asked my Dad if my brothers girlfriend could not be invited to MY 17th birthday celebrations with the family (which I don't even want to happen due to the fact it'll all be based around fucking food) and he started having ago at me, saying I did it to be spiteful, I was being a bitch because they've been together for two years so she's basically family etc. Whilst I can understand where he's coming from, he didn't even give me a chance to explain my point, or even state how I don't want to have a family celebration. Right now, I'm really not in a good way when it comes to eating, and everyone at home knows that. Yet they still go and put all this pressure on me. I know I'm not an angel child, but at least try and fucking support me instead of treat me like shit. 


Now today at dinner, I had my usual salad whilst everyone else eats roast, (I don't eat potato or beef) and for the first few minutes, I was just looking at what's on my place, panicking a little (my brothers girlfriend was here too) and then my mum just decides to turn around and snap "Just fucking eat it or put it in the bin, stop pissing around." in the most rude and humiliating way possible. So after sitting for another few minutes, near enough in tears, I've just decided to go and put it in the fridge and go upstairs to get out of everyones way.


I can't even begin to explain how suicidal I've been feeling lately, and I know I don't really open up to people but it'd be nice if at least someone in this fucking family would listen to me. I'm pretty much on the verge of doing something right now because I'm so angry and I'm trying to distract myself. I just want to scream. I'm sorry I'm not good enough but I never wanted this, so stop fucking acting like I do.